Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Captain And Passenger of the Ship of Fool

Apparently pumping my own gas and minimal skills of observation mutually exclusive activities. For me.

I went to our friendly neighborhood gas station. It was on the way home. I've been there before. For doughnuts.

Normal, right?

First of all, there are these screens that jibber jabber news and weather at you. I failed to capture this screen in the picture, but I'm sure you all know what I am referring to. I was watching the weather guy and I became fascinated with the way his voice would go before his lips moved. The audio was outrunning the video. This caused me to mistakenly punch my work zip code on the key pad. I was rewarded with the notification "PUMP LOCKED." Ah crap. So I had to do the debit card route and put in my pin.

After getting a screen telling me I managed to release funds from my account, I grabbed the big green nozzle. I tried to get it into my gas tank. It did not fit. I kept trying. Because in my world, if it doesn't fit - I probably did it incorrectly and need to keep trying. After a few more failed attempts and a close inspection of the nozzle - I decided that I'd push the little button on the machine where you pick the grade of gas you want.

Because by doing that, the nozzle would magically fit in my gas tank. Seriously. I half believed that.

I saw that the big GIANT green button indicating DEISEL was lit up and BLINKING at me. And I thought "hm. That's odd. Don't want that." So I spent a good twenty seconds trying all three buttons to the right of the green one, color coded grey, white and red. And could NOT figure out why I could not get any of them to realease the go-go liquid. "What's the problem? YOU HAVE ACCESS TO MY MONEY, GIVE ME GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSS!"

After giving up on the buttons, I then turned my attention back to the nozzle tried to AGAIN put it into my gas tank. If there was an award for retardation marinated in determination, I would have won it. Probaly two of them. Like, they would have had to give me next year's too - so I could walk home with one in each hand to avoid falling over.

I finally turned around and realized "Oh, I get it. Diesel Fuel Only." I was annoyed that this pump was not labled better. "Why wouldn't they let us know this is a Diesel Only pump? How annoying."

So I replaced the green nozzle, got in my truck, drove around the island and parked in front of a pump on the other side. And do you know what I saw?

Yesirreee. It was the exact same set pump set up. Know why? Because normal people realize there's also a big black nozzle on the right that dispenses non diesel fuel!!

And I'd be lying if I said that upon seeing the exact same pump set up I had just rejected, I didn't think "Woah, did this station become only diesel fuel at some point and I just didn't notice?"


Spin_Doc1 said...

You are too funny! At least you did not suceed in putting in diesel in your car, that is a costly mistake.

Aisha T. said...

Zoom, you are a riot! Glad that you didn't put diesel in your car.

kimber the wolfgrrrl said...

Ahahahahhaahaa! That's hilarious!

Travelling in California a few years ago, we stopped at a station to fill up with gas, and were totally befuddled by the fact that all the pumps were locked. It was the middle of the afternoon, the station was obviously open, and yet there we were, like a couple of lab monkeys, pushing buttons and pulling levers. Nothing. Why? Why? Why? We walked from pump to pump, drove the car to a new one, but nothing worked.

Simultaneously, we realized the loudspeaker was no longer playing music. A disembodied voice was screaming, exasperated, "Pay first! Pay first! You gotta pay first!"

Could I have looked like more of a tourist? Probably not. So, can I buy a ticket for passage on your ship of fools?