Friday, February 23, 2007

Airborne Snacks and Understanding Husbands

Last night Mr. Zoom and I settled down to watch the tivo'd Lost, Office, Scrubs and would have gotten to Survivor but we ran out of time.

I've been in full ramp up mode for that which strikes women monthly. There is only one cure for the mood I'm in while running up the ramp and it's Trader Joes Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter Pretzels [TJCCPBP]. My pal Skillit introduced me to this product. I now have simultaneous competing emotions of (1) loving her for this; and (2) wanting to girl wrestler sneak attack pull her hair and clothesline her [it has to be sneak attack, because she could and would kick my ass].

They are that good.

They come in celophaney foil like bags. Anyone who's ever witnessed me open a bag of chips or a box/bag of cookies will know that packaging is, according to me, "In My Way". It is something to be torn through, as if I'm in a giant hurry and I haven't eaten for days. Sure, there are methods of opening these things without tearing a long, continuous and sometimes corkscrew tear in them, but I can't, won't and don't work that way. Mr. Zoom always giggles when he sees the hollowed out container I've destroyed like an octopus eating a crab and then leaving the shell behind.

So last night I had my bag of TJCCPBP. The bag had been torn so much that I had to place it in a zip lock bag so the contents would stay put long enough to be eaten. I ate far too many of them, and decided it was time to quit. Being that I'm lazy, I didn't want to get up to put them away. And I knew if they sat on the coffee table, I'd continually reach over and eat them until they were gone.

I sealed up the zip loc bag and hucked it across the room. It hit the wall and slid to the floor as I hoped it would. I did all of this from my reclining position on the couch. Mr. Zoom looked at me and said "What just happened?" Code for "I know you are crazy, I'm used to that. But what I just saw is a new one. I need an explanation or I make the call bringing in the professionals."

My explanation came as if everyone knows this. "I was afraid I'd eat them all and I wanted it away from me. If it's on the table, it's still too close. If I can't reach it, I can't eat it."

The Out of Reach Diet.


Spin_Doc1 said...

I knew exactly what you were doing when you threw it, I have done the same.

AndyT13 said...

I love it. The Out Of Reach Diet.
That's right up there with the FEL diet. Fuckin' Eat Less.

Rev. Brandy said...

I've so done that. I get it. My mother used to do the "eat it till it's gone" diet. Just eat it till it's gone then don't buy anymore. That one is a little less effective, however.

Aisha T. said...

Hey, great idea for a diet! I think you need to write a book on this method (imagining food strewn households across the country after the fad catches on)

BostonPobble said...

As with Spin Doc1, I knew exactly what you were doing as well. It is simply the easiest way to manage sometimes. :)

Theresa said...

Mr. Zoom should count his lucky stars he wasn't in the line of fire. I always blamed my ex for creating the stress that caused my binges. He deserved to get bombed with my half-eaten bag of chips/pizza/pint of Ben & Jerrys.