Tuesday, March 13, 2007

My Luminiferous Ether - Excellent Conductor of Lunacy

I've been eating a lot of oatmeal for breakfast. I love oatmeal. It's (instant) easy and tends to keep me from totally loosing it before lunch time. I like cinnamon and brown sugar. Unfortunately, the last box I bought was some flavor they call cinnamon and spice. Sure, if spice = pot pourri. It smells like Christmas and tastes like a scented candle. I honestly expect the box to list perfume as the first and most abundant ingredient.

I ended up with this flavor because I have a bad habit of seeing what I want to see. Or reading the first couple of letters of something and assuming it's what I want it to be. Cinnamon Sugar looks a lot like Cinnamon Spice to me because of this. DRAT.

And I'm not having much luck with artichoke hearts, either. Every single time I'm faced with an artichoke heart (cut up and in my food), I wonder how to eat it. I literally do the exact same thought process every time - and I never seem to find the answer. Do I just take the whole thing and eat it in its entirety? Or do I cut off the "heart heart" part and dispose of the leafy parts?

The leaves aren't super tough - since they are the smaller ones that are obviously closest to the heart. But I still can't figure out if it's ok to eat the whole thing.

I keep thinking, if it wasn't intended to be eaten entirely, then why is it buried in my food? Wouldn't that be dangerous if one was expected to pull the leaves off? Yet, every time I find myself dissecting the piece and leaving the leafy bits off to the side. I wonder if I'm making it harder than it needs to be. But then I remember; artichokes are giant thistles. Not a ton of room for experimentation.

The other evening Mr. Zoom and I were at one of our favorite super markets buying dinner out of the deli. He's always so cute when we order, because he asks me what I want and then says to the person helping us "the lady will have...." What he should be saying is "My wife doesn't cook. So please sell us food so we don't starve." After he ordered a couple of chicken strips for me, I decided that I'd also like a bbq rib. When he went to order for me "And the lady would also like..." I stopped him. I said "SHHHHHH! NO! Don't tell him it's for me." (the counter guy wasn't hearing Mr. Zoom when he first started this line, so when I shuushed him, the counter guy wasn't even paying attention to us.)

WHY CAN'T HE TELL HIM I WANT THE RIB? Because I'm a fool. Seriously.

I'm sure it's the same feature that caused me to wrestle with my closet of clothing the other day and say to Mr. Zoom - as if he were to blame - "UUUUUUUUUUUUGH. Stupid......clothes......not......look....like.....supermodel." pout.


AndyT13 said...

Wow! This is a classic post!
How not to buy the wrong oatmeal.
(read box)
How to eat artichoke hearts.
(failed because I still don't know)
That's OK actually since I wouldn't eat them anyway. Who eats thistles? I never knew what thistles were. Isn't that a fancy word for thorn?
How (not) to order food for Zoomie.
Because...ribs...bad? No! Because you didn't want him to know how much you were eating! Right? Right?! Same reaso0n stupid clothes don't look like supermodel?
I wanna be a supermodel too.
Genuis. Super genius. :-)

Rev. Brandy said...

I also see what I want to see. It results in many, MANY worse things than a bad flavor of oatmeal.

Aisha T. said...

Zoom, don't let me cook for you. You'll be spending your time saying, 'what the hell is this and what the hell were you thinking, aisha?!"

BTW, you usually eat the lower part of the leaves on an artichoke (scrape your teeth on the bottom of the leaf) so if you've got the leaves around the heart, it should be just fine to eat them *grin*

BostonPobble said...

How often can I simply write "ROFLMAO" before you get tired of reading it? Just this last week, I was telling Dreamer and Peaches about a time I was doing a cold reading in an acting class and read what I *thought* it said instead of what it *actually* said. What it *actually* said was "organism". You do the math. You are so not alone in this one.

As for the leaves around an artichoke heart, those are fine to eat. Unless you just don't like 'em at which point you should rip the little buggers off. ;)

Spider Girl said...

I would also starve if it were not for supermarket delis. Your post made me feel a more connected part of the great Community of People Who Can't Cook. :)

As for artichokes, bite right in. At least, I do. Yum!