The Spider Tried to Get Me

This morning C and I made our usual shuffle to the car. He usually drives to the office, or actually most places. I don't know if he just likes to drive or if he's terrified of my typical girl driving skills.

As I was about to get into the truck I noticed a pretty elaborate spider web attached to my side of the car and anchored to our mail box. We know there is a spider living on our mail box, but this is the first time he's used a car to make his house (that we know of.)

And C is the only one who cares about the mail, so I don't ever have to come face to face with the spider.

I hate spiders. They freak me out. As C says, they make me squeal like a 1950's housewife. I can't kill them, either. Their bulbous bodies would make a noise and I couldn't handle that. And I would be able to feel it. The only time I've been forced to deal with a spider on my own I was thankfully, able to use the vacuum cleaner to "get rid of him". But I was still convinced I could feel his body banging against the hose on the way to the dirt canister.

Knowing that I'm such a weirdo, C pulled the car away from the mail box before I get in so that I didn't have to worry about spider sightings. I opened the car door, got in and went to reach over and close the door... and there he was...

Big Spider was hanging from the window, ON THE INSIDE of the car. I don't know how he got there. All I knew at the time was that I couldn't flee past him, because he might just fly out and attach himself to me.

I made the squeaky noises and pointed so that C would rescue me. I held my breath, got out of my seat and bolted past the spider and ran over to the other side of the street. From there I watched C take a news paper and scoop Big Spider out of the car. When it was "ok", C told me to come back over.

But then something flew and attached itself to C! And he did the "aiee yaiaiie ya ya" dance and brush off while holding the newspaper. It turned out it was just a ladybug, but still.

When I came back over, C said "Look there, there is the Big Spider". And it was climbing out of the gutter, through the water and coming right for me. I kept telling C "It's trying to kill me! It's trying to kill me! See? It was going the opposite way until I showed up, now it's coming straight for me!"

Poor C. All he was trying to do was show me that the Big Spider was no longer in the car, and that I was safe. Instead, I turn his good intentions into further proof that "the Big Spider is trying to get me."

I finally got in the truck as C held the news paper in between me and the Big Spider. As C came around the car to get in, I watched the Big Spider alter his course one more time and start to come straight for me. Again.

I kept telling C "SEE??? He was going towards the garage and now he's coming back for me! He's even willing to go through the river (the gutter run-off HAS to look like a river to him) to come for me! DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!"

Ok, I didn't say the DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE part out loud, but the rest of it I did. And my head was screaming "DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE".

And when we got to the office, I said "And did you see how when he was hanging on the inside of the car he was squishing up in a little ball and then expanding again?"

C just said "Yeah, well. Spiders do that when they are trying not to die."

And I scream like a 1950's housewife.