Yeah. I Had to Eat in the Office Kitchen Today...

C and I would love to start saving money. As soon as the money sucking machine commonly referred to as "our wedding" moves away from our bank accounts, we might even have a shot at this.

One of the most often cited ways to save money is to eat out as little as possible. Ok, ok. This makes sense. Unfortunately, I'd rather sunburn my eyeballs than take food to our office and later eat it.

First of all, there's the regular "the kitchen is gross" thing. People cook/reheat their gruel in there, and it smells like - well, hot trash.

And the microwave? I call our office microwave "the old man's artery". It used to have like at least a 9 by 12 inch opening in which to insert food. Due to food carnage and remains having built up over time, there is now approximately 4 by 6 inches of space within which to work.

Then there is the refrigerator. Management claims that the refrigerator is cleaned out every week. That no matter what, everything is tossed out on Fridays. This is a huge, HUGE lie. The only cleaning out of the refrigerator that happens is the stealing of food.

Not one single day goes by that someone doesn't say out loud, and generally to no-one in particular..."I swear I put my food right there. It's gone. Seriously gone. Someone ate my FOOD?!" It's usually someone new to the firm.

I sometimes wonder if it's actually the old food in the fridge that ate the new food. Sorta like fish sometimes eat their young?

Here's an honest to goodness conversation between two individuals in the kitchen today:

Person 1: As she opened the freezer door, she said "I totally miss seeing the corndog here when I open the freezer door. It was in here for so long. It used to fall out of the box every time we opened the door."

Person 2: "Who's was it?"

Person 1: "It was Jane's. It used to lay here with that ice fuzz all over it. I think she said it was soy."

Paging Chandler Bing.

Which brings me to our wonderful co-workers. If I bring lunch, I'll have to eat in the kitchen where people ALWAYS talk to me. I can have my face in a book or the paper, and they still insist on talking to me.

When I'm at my desk and working, nobody comes over to say: "Do you want some of my potato chips? They are less greasy than Ruffles!" or "I bought some doilies on E-bay the other day." And "Here's my catalogue of faux stylie bling. I get to wear a button that says "I'm super fantastic" if I sell at least 13 units of this by next week. Please order something!"

Conversations like the above examples will drive me to drink. And we all know that booze is far more expensive than just eating lunch out every day.

And believe me, I know that restaurant food could be, and probably is, full of scary things too. But the difference is - and this is key - I can't see it, and therefore I don't know about it.

I'd rather work 10 extra years and eat lunch out of the office every day than deal with our office kitchen.