Monday, February 27, 2006

Bad Hairdar

It's like the universe wants me to learn how to tell a wig, a rug, any fake hair from real hair. Or else.

Yes, I'm crazy. I've embraced it, you might as well too.

For as long as I can remember, I've been unable to be the first or even fifth person to realize that someone's hair is fake in any way. In fact, most of the time I am utterly amazed to learn that "she wears a wig" or "he's totally got a tupe/hair plugs."

I guess it actually says a lot about me and my gullibility. I take almost everyone/everything at face value. Well, aside from those things/people I've learned NOT to, like televangelists. And people in advertizing. But I mean everyday people. People I work with. People I see in the grocery store. Friends of friends, or even MY FRIENDS.

For instance, there was a co-worker at my office who literally had a different hair style every week. And every week I'd see her go by and think "Wow, she's so experimental with her hair!" There would be color changes and length changes. But here's the thing. It happened in a way that it went from long to my brain just figured she was really just trying to find a style she liked.

NO, NOT QUITE. Turns out she had the biggest collection of wigs ever owned. And I FINALLY figured out it wasn't "her real hair". And I felt like a total idiot. Years later I'd hear people discuss her wigs, as if it was controversial. I never really understood that, but at the same time, I felt like a moron because I couldn't recognize fake hair right away.

That person eventually left our firm. And here's where the universe tried to test me: The woman who took her place? Yeah, she came by my side of the office on Friday and TOOK OFF HER HAIR! She was showing some of the other girls how she could just "throw this thing on her head in the morning" and how she'd never have to "do" her own hair ever again.

I thought yelled at the forces that do this kind of thing to me: "You've got to be kidding me, right? So I can't recognize fake hair. That doesn't mean I need an unwelcome demonstration of it's fakeness while I'm struggling with my excel spreadsheet!"

And here's what I don't get. Aside from the obvious wiggery of drastic color/length changes and the person who just takes it off to show you how it do you people figure out what hair is fake and what hair is real? Do you dare say anything to the person? Or do you just figure it out on your own?

There was one time when I actually might have recognized fake hair before anyone told me about it. I had worked in an office for about 3 years with someone. I finally realized that her hair had been the same length, the same color, and pretty much the exact same style - for that entire 3 year period.

About that time our office changed locations and she didn't work with us anymore. BUT, I still can't think of her without my mind going "OH YEAH, she wears a wig...................I think......." And then I think in circles about why I even care if her hair was fake or not, and why I'm so frustrated that I never found out for sure.


AndyT13 said...

Um....Zoomie? Zoooooooomieeeee....
Come back dear. It's alright. The big bad iggers won't get you. Here's a test: Donald Trump; real or fake? See? Wasn't that easy?
'Nother test: Does it look exactly the same very day and never ever change or really move out of place?
If so; probably fake. But now we come back to "Why, O why do you care?" :-) Happy hair hunting!

AndyT13 said...

D'oh! That was supposed to read "WIGGERS"...

ZooooM said...

But I thought Trumps was real, just a very bad comb over! Or are you saying it is real?

SEE? I'm a complete toolio with this issue.


Rev. Brandy said...

I believe Trump's is real, while it's a TERRIBLE comb-over. Real, nonetheless.

The same thing happens to me; many of the women around me wear wigs, and one worman I used to work with would change her hair every Sunday. Go to the "hair store," buy some flavor of extensions and braid them in. She always promised she'd take me on a field trip and braid extensions in my hair, but I never got to go to the "hair store." I was very sad.

Aisha T. said...

LOL....Zoom, maybe your obsession stems from a WANT and YEARNING to wear a wig and have a massive wig collection for yourself.

ZooooM said...

ooooo. Rev, that would have been the coolest field trip!!

Aisha...I think in a way, you are right. I do love crazy hair. The Edward Scissorhands type crazy hair always intrigues me.

Al said...

Honestly, my life has become much easier since I just shaved it all off - also for halloween, I just had the wife draw charlie brown's face on the back of my head.