Wednesday, February 01, 2006

She Called the Van Helsing Van HESSLING!

I think I've mentioned before that my parents adore going to the movies. They see pretty much every film that gets played in wide release. It doesn't seem to matter what it is. And the most reliable thing about them is that they love every movie they see. Or, at least like it. The only film my Mom openly hated was "Reservoir Dogs."

Drivel films with latest teen stars in them? They love em. Especially the remakes. "Herbie Makes Someone's Mortgage Payment" even got a glowing review.

My Mom said to me after seeing "Pirates of the Caribbean": "That Jack Sparrow is such a loveable scoundrel!" This made/makes Mr. Zoom nearly wet himself with glee. My mom said "scoundrel", and she meant it.

It's not that I don't recognize that if those movies make them happy, then why the heck shouldn't they see them? That's not it. The thing that kills me is that when they love all the movies - they spend our visits trying to convince me and Mr. Zoom that we must must must see all the movies too. And we can't very well take their opinions to heart since it doesn't seem to matter WHAT the movie is, they love it. My parents offer the movie world unconditional love - and attempting to logically discuss film with them is like trying to stop an avalanche with a spoon.

Oh, and once you are covered in snow with your spoon? You'll want to poke yourself in the eyes with it. Why? Because even if you wanted to hear Mom's opinion on the movie, you will spend at least 10 minutes sorting out the title of it. "The Lion King" becomes "The Boy King", and other such mangalations that I can't remember at the moment.

Can you all hear the frustration oozing out of my pores? Ok, just checking.

All of this, so you will understand why I nearly fainted when my Mom called today and said: "We saw 'The Matador', and it is simply awful."

I had to ask her to repeat that. Twice. it was as if she had suddenly learned fluent Spanish and I could freakishly understand her without learning it myself.

I immediately shot Mr. Zoom an e-mail, informing him that not only had my parents finally seen a movie in wide release that they hated, but Mom actually got the title right the first time she spoke it. His response was "I'm totally buying us a lottery ticket tonight."

Knowing our luck, we'll win the DVD anniversary edition of "Pirates of the Caribbean", in the first ever non-monetary lottery prize.


theresa said...

"... stop an avalanche with a spoon..."
How do you come up with these gems?

Lovin' YOU ! ! !

p.s. good luck with the lottery

Al said...

Priceless Zoomer Priceless

Way back when I was in High School - My mom asked to borrow a shirt becuase the washer on on the fritz - I told her to just grab a t-shirt from my room

I wish I woulda been there to see my mom in the produce aisle donning a Zig-Zags shirt

The Management said...

I almost think that going through life loving NEARLY every movie must be a wonderful thing. Movies I love are about 10 to 15 percent of the flix I see (and most of them were made before the 70's).

There are lots of OK movies out there. I sort of like them (with a bunch of caveats), but to be happy with almost all of the drivel Hollywood spews out must make for a pretty satisfying life.

I'm jealous.


ZooooM said...

You guys are too good to me. I wonder how long it's going to take my mom to find this little grouping of love I've got here for her...