That's right. You heard me.
Let me break it down. I sometimes think my body was the experiment. The hot dog body made with body part by products. There is some symmetry; both my head and my feet are far too teeny for my torso and MY GIANT LEGS.
It occurs to me that I'm using the wrong adjective. Giant isn't correct. Long is better. My legs are far too long for my teeny little feet.
Or my non-existent torso.
I'm 5'8". I have a 34 inch inseam. I'm not skinny and I don't think I'm considered "fat". But, you'd never know that by the "size" on my clothes. There was a time when I hovered between 115 and 125lbs. Even then, I'd be struggling to get into a size "9" because of my legs.
And my Mom. Oh, she would always say: "The men, they love long legs like yours." My thoughts were "Why? Because I can't find clothes to wear and I'm nekkid?" or "But...isn't having that much leg just a barrier to that which they are trying to get at?"
I can't tell you how long it took me to realize that I simply can't purchase pants from anywhere but the Gap, Old Navy, Lerner, or Eddie Bauer. And even then, some of these stores sell the long only on line, where they are forever sold out. And even when I find them, the waist on the pants nearly reaches my girls. That's a swell look. But at least "long" is being manufactured now. And the styles don't scream short bus like they used to.
And now, for the worst segue ever - because there isn't one....
Last night in the car, Mr. Zoom and I started a discussion about how/when we can retire.
Probably never, so I started with the crazy talk:
Me: "We can build a time machine, go back in time and tell ourselves to save every single dime we make so that we can retire NOW. "
Mr. Zoom: "Nah, I'd figure out which stocks are going to do really well - and knowing that I'd go back in time and invest or win the lottery or something."
Me: "No, NO! We can't do that! If we cheat and try to get money the easy way, we will end up with only one working eyeball or deformed noses or something. Because, if you don't work hard for the result, something will make you regret doing it the easy way.....I watch t.v. ...... I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!"