I said I'd Post It if He Caught It

Mr. Zoom finally captured my snoring on video.

This starts out fairly quiet, but soon enough my "shhroooonk" takes over. I even drown out the t.v. noise in the background. No wonder my mother was convinced I'd never find a husband.



Just about the only thing scarier than that - is the fact that my FAM has now started using e-mail with a terrifying frequency. Back before she would even consider using the computer, all forwarded e-mail jokes and special news bulletins [by special I mean the spider under the toilet seat kind] would be transmitted to me via telephone. If it was really good, she'd make a copy with a xerox copier and make me take it home the next time I came by for a visit.

Just last week, my FAM wanted my "personal" e-mail address. She has my work address, but she had/has some things she'd like me to have that aren't work appropriate. The fact that she understands one address is my account at work and one is for personal use is startling enough. What I'm guessing is headed down the internet pipe for me now is a load of photoshopped puppy and kitten pictures, as well as all those forwarded jokes/chain e-mails/ what have you that everyone YOU know has already stopped forwarding to you.

FWD: CUTE!!
FWD: Warning for you and all of your women friends. NOT A HOAX!!
FWD: ...I normally don't send these but....
FWD: This is an actual picture of...

FAM has a gagillion slides from the 60s or maybe even before that time. She bought a machine that takes the slides and converts them into jpegs on the computer. Of course she asked me to come over and help her understand how to use it. Even sparing most of the details, I think you can sense the monkey fucking a football absurdity of what I should have known was going to happen.

I thought I was over there to show her how to work her slide converter/scanner....but half way through that she insisted that I show her how to archive internet forwards. She had received a power point slide show about ice in her e-mail. With music. She was so excited about it, she insisted I watch it. THEN, she wanted to know how she could put it on a CD so that she'd have it forever.

Yes. Forever.

And keeping them in a folder was out of the question.

I tried to escape by telling her "I don't know how to make a video (pointing at the screen) go to that (pointing to the drive with a cd in it.) Normally she'd have given up, but instead she tried on her own.

I tried to explain that cds aren't like floppies, that you can't put something on them, and then keep adding later. She heard "feel free to keep trying to add anything you want to that cd."

I tried to explain why Windows tries to "help" by providing a default files to be copied to CD feature, and how we don't need that program because we are using another one. The one I just spent 20 minutes tutoring her on. She heard "Go ahead and click wildly all around the screen and then please fume at me when you become totally confused."

When she finally went back to converting her slides, the default Windows screen came up saying "you have files ready to be copied to cd". The wild clicking willy nilly continued and *Shazaaam*, her video landed on a cd.

It is the ONLY thing on that CD.

And I can guarantee you that the next time I go over there, she will have about a thousand cds, all containing ONE internet joke.

Forever.