Monday, December 26, 2005

It Doesn't Get Much More Bloggable

Oh thank goodness Christmas is over. Not that I don't appreciate a paid day off of work and all - but there wasn't enough sleeping in for it to feel like real time off.

Last Wednesday I went to the Dr. to have a suspicious mole removed from my back. I've had this done before, so I thought it would be no big deal.

That was the big fat lie I told myself, and Mr. Zoom.

Mr. Zoom got to keep quiet as I dug my fingernails into his palm. While I squealed "ow ow ow ow ow OW OW OW ow ow ow. OW. OW OW OW. And that was just the numbing the skin, you won't feel the needle (lie) part.

All the requisite areas did go numb, but then my imagination went to work with every tug and push that I knew was happening, but couldn't really "feel". And I started sweating. I was already lying down, so I wasn't in danger of fainting. But you wouldn't have known it by my wailing.

I kept apologizing to everyone. I felt so stupid. I was only having a little chunk of my back removed and I KNOW the Dr. has seen and performed far worse extractions. My whining when stressed is like a pressure valve that releases my retardation slowly so I don't flip out and run out of the room. Without a shirt, no less.

But here's the thing. The Dr. decided to share with Mr. Zoom and I a little story about his past. In an effort to distract me.

He said "When I was younger I wanted to be a psychiatrist because I couldn't stand the sight of blood. Then my brother cured me of all of that."

Of course we asked "HOW?"

He said "He did something that any medical student these days WOULD NOT DO. He took me into his lab when he was taking anatomy class. He showed me the cadaver he was working on. Then he skinned it's face and wore it on his own head and started running around with it."

THAT'S SUPPOSED TO PUT ME AT EASE? And, HOW does that alleviate anyone's fear of blood? Shouldn't that reinforce that kind of phobia?

Mr. Zoom said what I was thinking: "Are you serious?" He said yes. It was all true.

Swell. My gatekeepter physician is Buffalo Bill's brother. I kept waiting for the receptionist to lower a basket in my lap and scream "PUT THE LOTION IN THE BASKET! NO FUNNY BUSINESS!"


Al said...

zoom - remind me to NEVER ask you for a medical referal lol
Anyone up for chanti and farva beans.
Hopefully the Zooms had a wonderific first Christmas!

Rev. Brandy said...

OMG. How in the hell do you have these experiences? You need to write a book. This stuff is so book-worthy.

Z., I'm so sorry Buffalo Bill's brother was performing that in-patient procedure to rid your back of a suspicious growth. How freaking traumatic!

Happiest of New Years to the Zooms, despite the horror. Oh, the horror.

ZooooM said...

1. I'm so glad I have a witness to my weirdo life in Mr. Zoom. And also my pal Skillit. I've always said nobody would believe me if I just told them what happens to me - without material witnesses.

2. I don't tell you guys all of it. I'm positive if I did, you would all think I'm some eccentric old lady who makes stuff up or something. Or maybe you already do.

In that case, I need to catch me some Matlock and an early bird special.

We had a wonderful Christmas. Happy New Year to all of you too!

AndyT13 said...

Happy Xmas and Merry New year Zoomy! No, wait...scratch that...reverse it!

It pus the fuckin' lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again!

theresa said...

That story would have sent me screaming from the room with no shirt on. And, this from a girl who's college roommate was in Med school. I ate breakfast with a skeleton for 2 semesters. We named him Hal, sat him in the extra chair, and made up stories about his life as a peddler on the streets of Bhagdad.

I'm sorry you have such an icky doctor.
I feel dirty ... but not in the good way.