Friday, December 16, 2005

When Moms Google: The Sequel

Does anyone remember that e-mail that went around way back - feels like a thousand years now - the e-mail about how one should not flash their headlights at an automobile that had no headlights on? The one that said something to the effect of doing so would insure your unwilling participation in a gang ritual and you would be killed?

It was one of the very first urban legends that my FAM fell for. Obviously this joke was far more effective back when most vehicles didn't have automatic lights or daytime running lights.

I can still remember the day she called me to "warn" me of this deadly trap. And how she made me a copy or three - one for me and others for me to pass along. I gently took the wad of paper and so was born my newest bottom desk drawer file entitled:

I'm Not Ready to Tell Her It's Not Real.

Because honestly? Telling her the truth would be like informing a cute little 5 year old child that Santa/Batman/Retirement/the Easter Bunny/Great Pumpkin/Tooth Fairy and Fairness just don't exist in this world. And there's more, but I need to give you this helmet to wear first.

There would be angry denial and then debate. Oh the debate. And she's a lot better at holding on to the mouse than I am, so I'd never get to prove my point by showing her any number of websites that document just these things.

It's been a long road to the technology embracement. However flawed it might be, I don't want to crush that.

Which is why the other day when she called to tell me she saw a news story on the internet that was funny, I went into minimal conversation mode and started flipping through the rolodex of "reasons to get off the phone with Mom because I can't talk about the make-believe with her".

Her news story was about a screech owl that had been found in some couple's Christmas tree, AND that this particular owl was stoned. She finished that story with "And you simply must see the expression on this owl!"

Into the file went the conversation. Although invisible, that's where it went.

Imagine my shock when I actually found this story on some credible looking news website:



Rev. Brandy said...

That is a riot. My crazy mom did something funny on Thanksgiving afternoon --- not as funny as this, of course --- she walked into my sister's house and announced that national news was reporting the official break up of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. I hated to burst her bubble, but her two daughters already knew this . . . we are practically the Associated Press when it comes to ludicrous celebrity nonsense . . . so we played along like we hadn't yet heard. Of course, we were all talking about it, then we discussed how disgusting it was that we were talking about it and why was it national news?

It's national news because people like me buy "Star" magazine. Hey, it's not reporting alien abductions, okay? It's not the "Weekly World News" . . . it's just buying all the long-lens paparazzi photos of B-listers coming out of Starbucks. I have to do my part to support the very cult of celebrity I disdain and disparage, right?

Al said...

I'm always on the "last person to find out" list.
I've got some friends in another dept. at work, very recently there has been an influx of interns and new employees who look like they are barelt old enough to reach the pedals, much less drive themselves to the office. So a Couple of weeks ago, I was up in their area - we were discussing the a couple of the shows that were on TV about the Kennedy Assasination. It was during the anniversary week of his death. One of the young-uns over heard us and talking about Kennedy being shot - ran into the newsroom to find a reporter friend to see if they had any information on Ted Kennedy being killed - Yes it's scary sometimes the people who work in media.

Aisha T. said...

Wow! That article IS real and hysterical. Look at the bright side, Zooom. When my dad finally got clued in to the internet, he spent hours and hours in the computer room locking up the phone line. Thank god we have two lines and now they've upgraded to cable. One day, the computer crashed. My mom called me and disgustingly told me that she was really embarrassed when the tech told her, "Uh, you have a lot of porn cluttering up your hard drive." I laughed so hard i couldn't breathe.

ZooooM said...

Thanks everybody for sharing. They are all great stories.

Rev, I buy me the occasional Star, Us and People too. In fact, to tell the truth, nobody in this household would be upset if it came here regularly. We all need our fluff to balance out the rest of it, at least I believe so.

Al, "barly old enought to reach the pedals.." made me laugh.

Aisha! Porn Computer! Great story! And yes, I am grateful for my mom and her urban legends now.

AndyT13 said...

Nice. I guess one WOULD need a helmet if there were stoned owls flying around.

Kid Handsome said...

If my old man read that, he would quit driving. The interweb does strange things to the minds of parental units (of adult children).