Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Diagnosis: Internet VD

Sunday Mr. Zoom woke up to the following sentence by his wife:

"I've got internet VD!"

Turns out that I'm fairly compulsive with my need to convey information the very moment that Mr. Zoom appears to have reached consciousness. Or walked through the door.

Saturday night I had busied myself with the internet after Mr. Zoom went to bed. I was browsing blogs with the "next blog" button. Turns out there's a one.thousand.percent chance that when doing this in the wee hours of the morning - like 2 a.m. - that the "next blog" will be porn. Loud porn that runs little sound files that make you feel like You've actually stumbled upon Caligula's Myspace account. Username Priapus.

After hitting two or three of these in a row, my computer started protesting with a little warning box on my task bar "Your computer is infected! Click here to fix it."

I followed instructions, but the little warning wouldn't go away. I gave up and resolved myself to the fact that Mr. Zoom would have to fix it when he woke up. Hence, internet VD.

"Don't worry Zoom, I'll fix it." he said. Which he did.

Too bad he can't fix my biological computer.

Last night after watching a show off of the cheater tivo, I got to thinking that I hadn't seen him watch a particular game show recently.

I, of course, had also forgotten the name of the show. But no matter, I proceeded to speak the question I had for him assuming the name would just occur to me in time. Which it didn't.

"Did they stop making that Who Wants to Guess a Million Dollars in the Suitcase show?"

Mr. Zoom giggled and said "Deal?......"

"OOOOOOOOOOH yeah! Deal or No Deal."

Then I totally lost interest in why I'd asked in the first place and moved on to whining about not wanting to go to bed yet or something.


Aisha T. said...

Ewww...you got internet VD. Maybe I shouldn't be commenting here *grin*.

Al said...

I think they need to make a high school health film on Internet VD. It would be way funnier than the clap film I had to watch. Besides I bet none of those old films involved mice and imagine all the jokes you can make with docking stations, serial ports, hard drives...
How about this for a title
"I got Internet VD and it megahertz"

starbender said...

OMG---I have it 2!
I'm losing my mind...
everything is infected!
my programs won't run...
I'm locked out of blogger & My E-mail....
what 2 do? what 2 do?
I guess I have 2 go back 2 factory settings, but I'm trying 2 burn my files 2 dvd.... but the burner won't burn! Ahhhh..... Wooooe is me!

ZooooM said...

Aisha, it's ok for now. But I wouldn't browse even the trusted peeps without some kind of computer condom.

Al, you are the best. You always think of the stuff I don't. The clap movie. megahertz. tee he he

Hello Starbender. I'm lucky enough to be married to a computer magician. He's a computer fixer in his 9 to 5, so I get the benefits of that at home. Plus other benefits.

I just wish porn would realize that some of us might visit a lot more frequently and on purpose if they'd quit it with the ITDs already.

Polyman2 said...

Do you Mr. Zoom take this woman to love honor and fix her computer?

Now you need to send him to medical school.