Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Bake for 8 Hours at 350 Degrees

There are certain things I do that Mr. Zoom claims will "help me distinguish the real you from the clone/alien you." - should that ever become necessary.

Things like, every time I see an ad on t.v. for Islands Restaurants, I feel the need to say "I don't like that restaurant. I don't know why, but I just don't like their burgers." Every.time. As if he can't possibly remember that from the 232 other times I said it. Or how I ALWAYS have 3 open bottles of drinking water in various locations in the house. Mr. Zoom says it's like I'm afraid to finish one.

Mr. Zoom has tells too. He finishes up most rants with "toot sweet". ".....and they better refund my money. Toot sweet." He stops all tivo'd t.v. shows mid playback to do SOMETHING. Which causes me to sass/whine from the couch "please come back...I'm going to forget how this show staaaaaaaaarted..."

Here's another thing I do every single year. Although I don't know if Mr. Zoom is quite as aware of it as I am - in the same way that I am.

Whenever Fall finally starts to give us the slightest chill in the evenings, I immediately activate the blanket burrito effect. This is where I wind myself up in all of the blankets because it's finally cold outside. And I love Mr. Zoom only the teeniest bit more than I love sleeping in cold weather with all of the blankets.

The problem is that it's not THAT cold. I end up waking in the middle of the night and sleep fighting all of the blankets off so I can breathe/stop sweating. I don't know about you, but there are few things more annoying than going to sleep dry and happy - only to wake up 3 hours later damp and uncomfortable - with no one else to blame. In fact, I'm fairly certain this is the sole reason babies cry.

Mr. Zoom is painfully aware of the blanket burrito - simply because he's lucky if he gets even a shred of blanket for his own use during this time. I don't know if he's aware of how angry I am at myself when I fight the blankets off each night in an effort to bring my body temperature back under 150 degrees. I'm pretty sure I've passed it off as "Oh honey, you need blankets too. Here. Have some."

No wonder my mother's first question upon seeing me is always "How's Mr. Zoom?" I'm not a huge read between the lines kind of person, but I can guarantee you that question is less about how he is than it is about how she's terrified he's going to figure out what kind of crazy he's married into. And try to get away.

And if he thinks it's hard to get some blanket in the winter time, he should just try getting away from me and my family.


Aisha T. said...

The blanket burrito. hehehe...D is like a nuclear reactor so, I usually just snuggle up to him. I think you are onto something with the baby thing. BTW, on your previous post with the towel. Laughed my arse off. D says i have a tendency to leave things slightly open (drawers, closets, cabinets) and that he's constantly coming after me shutting things. So, I'll wait till he goes to sleep and open up every single thing in the apartment so that he can wake up to it. The first time, I forgot I did it. I just remembered him getting up, going to the kitchen and then he sat and stared at me sleeping for a long time before calling me a b*$ch (JOKINGLY!JOKINGLY!) and then pounced on me.

kimber the wolfgrrrl said...

The blanket burrito -- that made me laaaaaaaaaaugh out loud.

Spin_Doc1 said...

Rest assured, you are not alone in crazy land I am right there with you.

AndyT13 said...

Laughing my A$$ of @ Aisha T! That's GREAT! LOL Everyone has their thing I guess. I'm a nuclear reactor myself so back in the day she'd pile 4 blankets on us, I'd throw three of 'em back on her. She'r throw 5 back on me. Back and forth all night. Finally I wake up and remove 3 of the 4 to the floor. Back to sleep, she retrieves.... you get the idea. The night blanket fight.

ZooooM said...

T! You are my peeps! I forgot that every morning Mr. Z closes the drawer I left slightly open - until I read this. Mr. Z is a nuclear reactor heat person too. So we also have overhead ceiling fan on\off battles.

Wolfgirl, thank you, and glad you got a chuckle.

Spin, if I'm enrolled in crazy college, it's nice to have fellow students like you along for the ride.

Andy, your girl was better than I, for I don't give blanket back all that often. If I'm done with it, I usually end up fighting it off of me onto the floor first. When not in burrito effect, I am, in fact, a bed bomb. The whole thing is destroyed and on the floor by morning.

Unacknowledged Genius said...

The only good thing about the weather getting cold is getting into bed for a burrito.

Barry said...

blanket burritos? Not very tasty :P