Thursday, October 05, 2006

It's Like Having Your Dreams Become Reality.

Just in time for Halloween, in fact so early it's almost "Christmas Crap in June" sickening, I've unintentionally transformed our bedroom into a set for horror movies.

Imagine, if you can, your loving spouse asleep in bed as you enter the room and approach "your side" to settle down in what should be the one place you feel the safest. There is no light, because you know from past experience that she has night terrors. And sometimes turning on the light triggers them. So you've learned to approach softly. You've learned that if you can round the corner of the foot of the bed, you are home free. So you get to the corner of your own bed and think "Ah, safe. Bed bed bed bed, mmmmm". Your guard down, your wife shoots straight up in bed and emits a scream that could only be manufactured in hell by minions from the wrong side of hell's tracks and sent to kthulu and a Minotaur for delivery to the human world.

This kind of performance last night by me caused Mr. Zoom to suffer what he has dubbed "a crumbler". That's when I scream at him without warning and cause him to lose muscle control in his legs. And it makes him crumble to the floor.

This particular night terror was one of the most vivid I have ever had. I remember "waking up" to a form standing right next to my bed. I remember being terribly frightened, and swinging wildly at it. It then split into 3 forms and I continued to swing. As I was doing this, I looked to my left and saw Mr. Zoom's figure crumbling next to the bed. This is the moment that I "woke up" for real and realized I was having a terror. I had not heard myself screaming. I immediately began to apologize to Mr. Zoom, who amazingly didn't walk over to my side of the bed and smother me with a pillow.

After he got in bed, he said "Wow honey, that was a crumbler. I nearly peed on the floor just now." And that's when I broke out into loud, uncontrollable sobs. Not just the squeaky crying kind, but the out of breath, manic, unreasonable, sobbing kind.

All of you people out there with normal wives and girlfriends, don't you just wish you could get you one of these? Mr. Zoom calls it the wheel of emotions. Then he makes the best "whirring" noise while he fake spins it in the air.

I was devastated that I had once again night terror crumbled him. I try not to cry in front of him, because I know how much girls crying rips his heart apart. And I don't find myself crying except when I'm tired and I feel overwhelmed. All the frustration of having this hair trigger screaming switch that I can't get rid of or even be conscious for when it's flipped just got to me and I felt defeated.

Mr. Zoom tried to comfort me. After I continued to fall apart, he said "Well, just know that if you ever wake up and there's a warm, smelly biscuit on your side of the bed, you will know why."

And that brought me back around. I began to laugh cry, which finally evolved into laughing. And apologizing. Over and over. But he wouldn't let me keep saying I was sorry.

Because he is, hands down, THE best husband in the world. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him. Even when I'm screaming.


BostonPobble said...


I've always wondered what it would be like to be a "normal" girlfriend/wife/partner too.

Barry said...

Well, at least the two of you seem to fit each other pretty well.

Unacknowledged Genius said...

An ordinary nightmare can be scary enough, I can't imagine experiencing night terrors like yours.

Polyman2 said...

You scaredy cat. good thing you didn't have a weapon.

eros in wunderland said...

Poly sent me here,
you seem like
good clean fun.

Anonymous said...

It's like we have parallel lives... at least parallel marriages. And I also hope L knows how much I appreciate him. He's the best husband in the world (sorry, that leaves Mr. Zoom in a second place). Having a very not normal wife is a lot of work!

ZooooM said...

BBP, I'm sure we will always wonder.

Barry, we do fit. I suppose there are times like these where he wonders why he had to fit with me.

UG, they are so frustrating because I can't control them. I can't "wake up" and make it stop. Some days he tells me I had one and I have NO MEMORY of it.

Poly, exactly. My weapon is my sparkling personality.

Eros, thank you. I'm harmless to observers. Usually. Anyone who tangles with me in real life soon learns I mean no harm - but mishaps follow me like pig pen wears a cloud of dirt.

Anon, Don't force me to have a husband off with you. I'll win. he he. I'm glad you commented - it's always nice to know we broken people can find someone to live with us too.