Thursday, November 10, 2005

DAMMIT. I Wanted to be Able to Say it Was From the Gideons.

Mr. Zoom and I have been very very careful with our wedding gifts so as to keep the cards and items together, and make a careful list. That way thank you cards will contain the correct naming of thanks - i.e., so that Mrs. Zoom doesn't make a giant jackass out of herself when she writes "thank you for the stapler" and what they really got us was the coffee maker.

The coffee maker that I used today to make honest to goodness coffee. By myself. If that doesn't tell you we are looking at the end of days, then I can send you to my Mom's house where she will tell you that atm debit cards ARE. They told her so, years ago on the farm. Back when she wore a bonnet and drove a horse to barn raisings. They told her that paper money would disappear and plastic would be issued by Satan. I always said to her "What would you guys have cared? You didn't even use electricity. How would debit cards even be a threat to you people? Were you learning about the signs so you could mock the rest of the world from your carriage?

The best thing about Mom is that she has no problem with the end of days. It's the fact that she refuses to use her atm debit card because once "they tried to make me sign the paper just like a credit card, and I had already entered my pin code. So I KNOW they were trying to take my money twice."


Mr. Zoom went to one of the stores we registered at and used some of the gift cards to buy an Espresso machine. Working that thing is all his deal. I sometimes know a bad idea when I see it, and Mrs. Zoom in a kitchen with volcano hot liquid and steam meant for teeny tiny little cups is SUCH a bad idea.

Mr. Zoom was busy unpacking the thing when I heard him say: "Honey....did you buy this?"

I came around the corner with that confused look on my face. The one I get when people ask me "can you see that over there?" and I don't have my glasses on.

I saw him holding a book in his hands. I didn't recognize it at all. I said " Where did that come from?"

Mr. Zoom said "In here." and he laid it back in the Espresso box.

It is "Into the Garden - A wedding Anthology".

We both just kindof stood there wondering what the heck just happened. I know we were both trying to figure out how the store/krupps knew we had just gotten married, and why they would include a book in an espresso machine box? Was it magic? Because we were ready to believe it was magic, just because we are still a little punch drunk from abnormal sleeping patterns this week and that would have taken less effort.

So we opened the book to the first page, and saw an inscription:

It reads: "A long life together, the work of hearts and days. Hard work but the best a man and woman will ever do together. Mark C. Br_______ [can't make out the last name, it's just a squiggle.] congratulations."

AH. Someone had gotten this as a wedding gift and never opened it before returning it. GOTCHA.

Well, a homeless book couldn't have picked a better place to live. If Mr. Zoom ever has to file bankruptcy, there will be a line on the form that will say "Because Mrs. Zoom spent all of our money on books."

And one more book story before I close this entry.

As we opened gifts, we came accross one with no card. It was wrapped in precious moments paper. Inside was a bible. We kept looking for a card, trying to figure out who gave it to us.

I got super excited, because Zoom Logic decided that the Gideons had crashed our wedding with their precious moments wrapped bible! Of course they did. How else does one end up with a bible and no card??

Further inspection of the inside pages revealed that G-Ma Zoom on the Mr. side had given us the bible. Not that we don't appreciate G-Ma Zoom's intentions. We do. I just really wanted to be able to tell people that the Gideons crashed our wedding.


Rev. Brandy said...

LOVE the unopened wedding present getting returned with the nice book inside. I have that book here, at home, along with a billion other "wedding" books . . . and it's one of the better ones. So, nice going with the bonus freebie somebody-lost-their-secret-wedding-gift-with-a-hasty return.

The Bible in Precious Moments wrapping paper has me in stitches. Nothing is more of a dead-grandmother-giveaway that PM. Although I get where you are with the Gideons crashing your wedding.

Did you have any crashers at all? I hear it's quite the phenomenon these days, thanks to V-squared and OW.

Aisha T. said...

I am dying over here. Grandma and the Gideons. LOL

ZooooM said...

he he. Waving at both of you!

Sadly, we didn't have anyone crash our wedding. The ceremony was in a church that was pretty teeny, and the reception was at a place that is pretty new. And hard to find. Plus, we didn't do any of that wedding announcement stuff in the newspapers.

Not that we were trying to make it uncrashable. Because I'm all about having things go on that aren't supposed to. Especially at a wedding.

Ryan said...

I'm gonna be the first person to say how AWESOME your kitchen is! Stainless steel drawer handles are soo ghetto!

theresa said...

Al and I were gonna crash your wedding, but Al decided to wear that crazy suit of his on the airplane, and then he started up with the drinkin’, and then…oh-my-god, the singing… Airport security was waiting for us when we stepped off the plane. They took me away too. Something about aiding and abetting annoying behavior. Then, in the back of the squad car he kept after me with the, “Come-on, Baby, just a peek. I brought my camera and everything.” The saddest part is the fact that you missed Al’s rendition of “Candyman”. He’s such the little performer when he puts on his suit.

theresa said...

Yes, I'm kidding ...
I make shit up all the time.

I don't even know if Al knows the words to "Candyman"

ZooooM said...

Ryan, Mr. Zoom is all about coordination and the kitchen is his stainless steel paradise. Since I don't make with the cooking - the kitchen is all his.

My specialties include cleaning, laundry and sass, as well as nagging until I get the exact comforter/sheet color combo I want for the bedroom.

Super T, I would have loved to have you and Al there no matter what. No matter what song was being sung, no matter what outfit was being worn.

It's quite ok to make stuff up. Some of us make a career out of it.

theresa said...

It so happens, my Official Love Goddess Gown (the one I wear for special events and public spectacles) happens to be red, too. One of these days, Al and I will have to make an appearance together.

... oh, you know he knows all the words to "Candyman". The man is a savant with the lyrics.