Tuesday, January 10, 2006

How My ATM Card Would Have Made Dyson Proud

Tonight after work I stopped at the grocery store for a salad. The poor soul in line behind me got the scare of her life, I think.

I was getting ready to pay when my atm card flew out of my hands and landed on the floor at my feet. I bent over to pick it up and spent the next thirty seconds pushing the card around on the floor like a demented kitty cat playing with it's prey.

The damn thing was positioned perfectly so as not to allow any kind leverage on it. The kind of grip/leverage that would allow me to PICK IT UP AND USE IT instead of schooching it around in a circle. While I struggled with the card, my purse came loose from my shoulers, slid down my arm and knocked me right in the head.

That's when things got serious. I stood up, put my purse on the check out counter and rolled up my sleeves. I said a loud to the checker and the woman behind me. "Uh. I seem to have dropped my card. Hold on a second, I think I can get it..."

BRILLIANT! They were painfully aware of my situation. And now I was narrating my own embarrassment. Days don't get much more fun than that.

I tried everything. I tried the push down on it realy hard with one hand hoping it would stick thing. I tried using my shoe and one hand, then my shoe and two hands. Then both feet and both hands. All it would do was glide around on the floor.

I began talking to it: "YOU ARE NOT A RACE CAR! Stoppit with the vacuum suction!"

BRILLIANT! Now people HAD to be scared. Some how, a long time ago, I learned that race cars are built so that when they go fast, the vacuum created up under the car helps to keep them stuck to the road. Hell, this might not even be accurate but apparently my brain - if that is what I am to call it - decided that little bit of trivia was a perfect analogy.

FINALLY it came up off the floor. I don't even know how I finally got it loose from the floor, but OH MY GOSH was I grateful.

And then I started to laugh. I got those giggles you get when you aren't supposed to laugh. The ones that hit you in a meeting or anywhere else where it would be better to be as quiet as possible. And I made myself tear up I was laughing so hard and shaking my head at myself.

The woman behind me and the grocery store checker were stunned, or terrified. I'm not sure which. There was not even a smirk or a smile between them.

9 comments:

Aisha T. said...

Okay, I was laughing and snorting champagne as I read this and D asked what was so funny. So then, I was reading, laughing, snorting champagne and getting the chuckle from him. I had to re-read a couple of times. Got ahead of myself while trying to read aloud and snort champagne at the same time. Hard language to understand.

theresa said...

"... pushing the card around on the floor like a demented kitty cat playing with it's prey."

Have I told you lately how much I LOVE you???

You are the best story-teller around. I wish I could be around for the daily dinner conversation at the Zoom house.

Al said...

Killing me kiddo - just plain killing me

ZooooM said...

Aww thanks guys. Last night after I told Mr. Zoom about this, he said "was it like this?" and then he took a slipper of mine and kicked it all around the house while imitating trying to pick it up. We laughed like idiots for hours.

The Management said...

I often say the thing that makes perfect sense to me only to find the rest of the world needs about a 30 minute explaination to understand me.

Love it...

Otter

AndyT13 said...

Oh dear. I hate it when things like that happen EVERY DAMNED DAY! :-) Great story Zoomie.

AndyT13 said...

Wait, what's a Dyson?

ZooooM said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ZooooM said...

Andy, a Dyson is the name of some guy and his vacuum cleaners. He claims he makes the best one ever, that it never looses suction. We are bombarded by these t.v. ads here in the CA. Maybe they aren't everywhere?