Friday, September 01, 2006

Cujo Was A Jack Russel

I needed some mystery bricks (frozen dinners) so I hit the grocery store behind our house the other night. When I came out, there was some police activity outside the shopping center - down the sidewalk a ways. This is nothing out of the ordinary. All the same, I decided to avoid that area. I cut through the parking lot to get to my truck.

It was past dusk. It wasn't quite dark, but just minutes away from that if I had to guess. I was keeping an eye on the police activity, which at the time seemed like a really good idea.

Proud of myself for not walking straight into trouble, I gently swung my bag of frozen food at my side as I journeyed to my truck. At the very moment I chose to mentally pat myself on the back, a growling, snarling set of teeth with a black nose attached and some fur lunged at me from inside a parked car. At the time it happened though, I did not know 1. what it was, or 2. that it couldn't get me - that the window was only cracked enough to funnel the noise directly into my ear.

When I regained mental consciousness, I was hugging myself and my teeth were chattering together as if I was really REALLY cold. I couldn't scream, although I wanted to. Somehow I managed to hold on to both my mystery bricks AND my bladder. All I can say is that the owner of that car is extremely lucky that I made a visit to the loo before I left the house that night. I'm telling you right now, if I had anything to give up in the pipes when that incident happened, it would have been all over the parking lot and probably on the car as well.

While I was regaining my composure, I realized I had jettisoned myself a good 30 feet away from the car without knowing it. I looked back in to see what kind of beast had given me the scare of my life. I'm pretty sure it was a Jack Russell Terrier. His tail was wagging. He was keeping an eye on me and my threatening dinners. I love animals, but at this particular moment I gave the doggie the finger. I know it's not his "fault". He's only protecting his owner's car.

I was so mad and scared at the same time that I thought about staking out the car so I could verbally berate the owner for leaving his/her pooch in the car with the window cracked enough to make me think I was going to DIE. I didn't. I got in my truck (which ironically was only two cars away) and sat there trying to control the shaking. I finally got my heart rate close to normal and drove home.

People please. I don't want to have to start carrying extra britches every time I go to the grocery store. It's inconvenient and there's no place for me to change. I shouldn't have to survey every car I pass in a dark parking lot for the hound of hell which seems to want nothing more than for my plumbing to release as I run screaming from the car in question. DON'T LEAVE YOUR DOG LOCKED IN YOUR CAR UNATTENDED.

8 comments:

AndyT13 said...

OK, I'm sorry. I just laughed all the way through this story. Oh wait, that's pretty much true of EVERY story of yours! Sorry 'bout the fright. Good dog. :-)

Polyman2 said...

A Jack Russell? Good thing it wasn't a poodle, then things might have gotten really ugly.
Did the dog give you the finger back?

Have a wonderful weekend,
dear girl.

Rev. Brandy said...

OMG.
I can't stop laughing.

Barry said...

Like usual - hlarious!!! At least it wasn't one of those 'dog in the back of the pickup truck' things.

amiamazing said...

haha..I thought you were going o end this with, "It's like your dancing"

that would be even more hilarious!

still laughing...hahaha

theresa said...

Wahahaha!
Ooops, I mean, sorry 'bout your terrifying, near death, near accident experience.
There should be a law against barking dogs, and other such fright-inducing experiences.
You poor little lamb.

BostonPobble said...

not commenting much but reading every word. don't stop writing!!!! you're one of my favorite rest stops!

ZooooM said...

Andy, please laugh. For after I've gotten new britches, I laugh too.

Poly, the dog gave me the tail salute in return. Cute little guy, although at the time I was not amused.

Rev, Barry - Thanks for the compliments.

YouAmazingIndeed - DOH! You and Al should write alternative endings. You seem to have the knack for finding the better one just like he does. Very cool! And Hi, thanks for popping in!

T, no sorries needed. Once it goes here, it's a laugh therapy kind of thing.

BBP, Thank you much. It is actually I who checks in on your stuff as often as I can. There's a reason you get paid in real life to write. Give Lionel and Daisy a scratch on the head for me.