Monday, September 25, 2006

It's Like Trying To Read Alien

I am the master of communication encryption. I believe the government will be knocking on my door shortly with an important assignment.

Friday night Mr. Zoom and I took his mom out for her birthday. She was browsing the wine list and asked me "how do you pronounce that" as she pointed to a 15 letter word. I said "not on your life. I have no clue." Mr. Zoom said "where are you guys looking?" What I read? Dessert Wines. What I said? "Desert wines."

"Really?" he said. "Wines they serve in hot sandy places?"

At another point in the evening, Mr. Zoom threw out a trivia question. "What do they have in Agusta every year?"

"..A gusta wind?" said I. This caused me to be amused at myself for the remainder of the evening. The correct answer was some golf thing, but I was too busy being a simpleton.

Sunday we were at El Pollo Loco's drive through in our jammies. I was driving, so I was charged with ordering. What I said "Three chicken breasts, five orders of flour tortillas, one diet coke and one regular coke." What the girl working the speaker heard "One chicken breast, 10 flour tortillas and a large coke?"

I tried again. "THREE chicken breasts. FIVE packets, orders of flour tortillas. ONE DIET COKE. ONE REGULAR COKE." "Ok" she said, "drive forward."

At the window she said to me "So that's 2 tortillas and a breast?" After finally clarifying the order, I turned to Mr. Zoom and said "I really need to figure out the code words each day before I leave the house. Maybe I should have orderd 10 dalmation sandwiches and two crow pies?" I have no idea why my mind went to 101 dalmations and made them sandwiches, or the nursery rhyme of birds baked into a pie, but there you go.

I also asked for salt (Mr. Zoom loves extra salt) and was given a packet of sauce.


Unacknowledged Genius said...

In my case it's not the code words I need to learn, but how to speak Texan. My husband and I were thinking of buying a new car. When on the show room floor the salesman asked "How important are power seats to you?" I thought he'd said "Far" seats which I interpreted to be "Fire" seats so I told him I didn't know how important they were since I didn't know what fire seats were. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said "not far, par."

Rev. Brandy said...

This happens to me all the time, and I talk for a living. I am a minister, and I speak for people all the time, performing sacraments. Thank God (ha ha ha) they don't (generally) misunderstand me then. But in my "day job" as a project manager? I dumb it down on a regular effing basis and speak monosyllabically, speaking as plainly as possible . . . and still, the misunderstandings abound. It's priceless.

Barry said...

Half the time all I hear from the people inside is 'crackleghphhtcrackle'

I just say, no - that's all...(guessing they are asking 'fries with that?')

AndyT13 said...

So you're saying the potato soup was extra tough during your brain surgery then? Yeah, I guess that MUST have smelled funny. Yeah.
Your clarity is refreshing.