Friday, March 31, 2006

The Smell of Hatred

I think I made someone so mad that the pure hate he grew for me manifested itself in an awful smell. A smell that shot from his bald cranium like a laser beam of animosity.

There once was this unfortunate individual who ended up working on a project with me. I was informed by the powers holding my strings that I had to give it to him to work on. Fine by me, as it got one more thing off of my desk.

However, unbeknownst to me before hand, not so fine by him. He made it very clear that he disliked my project very much. That he knew for a fact that it was below his position in this particular company to work on such a thing.

Whatever. I can handle a little misdirected aggravation. Considering my ability to blunder human interaction, I wasn't about to judge him too quickly.

That was, until I had to answer his questions. It wasn't the questions he asked. It was the fact that he was sitting at his desk and I was standing in his cube when he asked them. He would scooch his chair incredibly close to me, which made it so his hairless, shiney laser head was pointed directly at me. Now that I think about it, he might have had a military background.

I already dislike my person to person space being cut so small, but then the smell came. I can't describe it. It wasn't a lack of cleanliness smell. It wasn't a breath smell. It wasn't a dead clown issue. It was foul, and it made my eyes water. I would literally hold my breath anytime I had to go over there. I kept wondering if there was a product that could remedy this. Some kind of antiperspirant for hairless heads? Maybe some kind of man personal hygiene thing that girls just don't get told about? And he forgot his? I just couldn't figure out how this odor got generated by someone's head? I mean, he'd been around the office for years and not one rumor about his smelliness had been uttered.

After a time, I simply concluded..."This must be what hate smells like!"


Barry said...

I am not sure about a bald head smelling any different, but I really should get that checked out since I am semi-bald I guess, yeah shiny parts up there. No one has ever told me it has a bad smell, maybe they are polite, or maybe the kind that will let you go around with food in your teeth :P

Ryan said...

You can go up to him and lick his head. I wanna know what hate tastes like. No? Okay, nevermind.

theresa said...

Did it smell like goat cheese and rotten tomatoes? That's what I imagine hate would smell like. Just wondering.

ZooooM said...

Barry, you are too kind to have a laser of hate. I just know it. So don't worry.

Ryan, you so make me laugh. But no, no licking. ew. ew ew ew.

T, you've totally got the idea. Maybe just add some sour cream.

The Management said...

Zoom, from your previous postings I always assumed... and hoped, a spirit such as yours never had to inhale that foulest of oders, hate. I'm sorry.


Al said...

Ok now I'm worried - shaved my head 3 years ago out of convience and the fact it was falling out anyway ( way stave off the inevitable, right). Now I'm wondering if I've got stink head?? Are people looking at me when I enter a room sayinfg "ohhh nooo, here comes stink head". Like I neaded anything else to freak me out, the Indians are already at the bottom of the division.
Thanks, alot, lol

at least he didn't make you touch it

ZooooM said...

Thanks Otter. But it's better that I can identify the grr this way. I'm pretty clueless, and otherwise will just walk right in and keep on talking.

Al, I'm positive this particular person had NONE of your qualities. You, like Barry, are far too good to have any smell beam poking out of your head like a mutant unicorn.

My dad is bald and after years of pull my finger...I can tell you this odor never existed in our house.

AndyT13 said...

I can't comment on this one. Scary.

Aisha T. said...

*screaming with laughter* stop!!

Polyman2 said...

Maybe his brain is decomposing
inside his head and the odor
is venting through his head pores.