Monday, July 31, 2006

Possible Negative Drug Interractions

If I ever get the opportunity to come face to face (or I suppose soul to misty soul like thing?) with an omniscient being, there's actually only a few questions I'd have for him/her/it.

Bla bla bla meaning of life and all - but more importantly, what the hell is up with the world's pharmacies? Is it a test? Because I keep failing it.

There's this line on the floor and a sign that indicates "To insure privacy, please wait here for the next available pharmacist." It's probably 6 feet away from the counter.

Horseshit. I contend that the government makes us stand there so that we work out the urge to squeeze the life out of pharmacy techs before we can reach the counter.

If privacy were a concern at all, I seriously doubt I'd be prompted to call out my name and the number of prescriptions I'm seeking over the heads of my co-que-panions. I feel like I'm attending an auction where every shouted letter of my name is a bid for medication - and if I just over enunciate enough - every single letter of my first and last name, the tech will yell "GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE......SOLD!" and eventually start looking for my flipping drugs IN THE CORRECT SECTION.

"Name please?"

"Last name SASSENPANTS, first name SASS. Last name spelled ESSSS, AAYE, ESSSS...."

"I don't see your prescriptions here in the D section....how many did you say you have?"

"THREE, and the last name is SASSENPANTS. It starts with an ESSSS." Which I illustrate by drawing an S in the air. "ESSSS, AAYE, ESSSS....."

"Nope, sorry. Can't find it here in the P section. What's your phone number?"

"ESSSSSSSSSSS! MY LAST NAME AND FIRST NAME BEGIN WITH ESSSSSSSSSSS!"

My name isn't difficult. At all. If I had one of those names that everyone mispronounced or couldn't read, I'd be a lot more patient with the pharmacy. I'd be willing to bet you there are at least 5 strangers in the neighborhood of this pharmacy who could probably answer this Daily Double clue on Jeopardy "She was arrested for jumping over a pharmacy counter and screaming 'here, just let me find it for you'" - "Who is Sass Sassenpants?" BLING! Correct. You win a jillion dollars. And a lifetime of drama free pharmacy visits.

Personally, I don't give a crap about "privacy" at the pharmacy. I don't care if the whole world knows what kind of medicine I'm trying to pick up. I never have. I'd wear a sandwich board with my name on it and a list of my meds if I thought it would actually improve the process of picking this stuff up.

Seriously. We might as well slap a drive through speaker on the counter and give that a shot. I get more accurate output from the El Pollo Loco drive through and their record is abysmal.

And don't think I haven't noticed the positive feelings the media is trying to hypnotize me into having when I walk into a pharmacy. If commercials are to be believed, I'm supposed to be taken by some kind of customer orgasm if these people point out a possible drug interraction to me.

I have never, ever in all of my years at the medicine counter been told about a drug interraction, possible or destined, by the pharmacist. All of that information has come from my doctor. The doctor who is able to pull my chart from the "S" section on the first try.

I will, however, get very tingly if I'm ever able to pick up my prescriptons without having to talk myself down from the urge to jump the counter.

3 comments:

Unacknowledged Genius said...

I do have one of those names nobody can pronounce or read even though it's pronounced just as it looks like it should be pronounced which is the reason I always buy my drugs on the street corner.

BostonPobble said...

My last name is actually a word that is already in Everyone's vocabulary. It's a very simple word. It isn't difficult to pronounce, spell or define. And yet...

I offer this much hope ~ a friend of mine is a pharmacist. She is brilliant. She has clients who follow her from store to store. I have had doctors I trusted less. Next time she comes for a visit, I'm scraping DNA and cloning her. Will be sure to send a copy to the West Coast.

Aisha T. said...

I have an easy last name but, in New York, I think everyone knows what meds I'm taking. People are standing right behind me when i pick up. They get my name right but, I still want to leap over the counter and slaughter