Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Please Make the Paper Clips Stop Talking

Lunchtime. C and I go to the mall so we can pick up a birthday gift for a pal.

C finds this great set of stainless steel salt and pepper shakers. They are weeble-wooble like, in that they are impossible to tip over. We liked them so much that we got a set for ourselves. They can keep me entertained for hours - and are extra insurance against the Zoom mystical ability to knock things over and into her lap. **

C and I go to the register and the retail minion decides he's going to be comedian guy: "Hello, there is a 5 million dollar minimum today." "These things give new meaning to the phrase 'pass the salt' eh? You can just roll them to the next person."

"Aieeee!" screamed the voices in my head. And that's when I ran away and left C to deal with him.

I find strange sales people trying to be funny almost as annoying as that fucking unhelpful animated paper clip in my Word program that won't go away.

I'M GOING TO BUY SOMETHING ALREADY. YOU AREN'T FUNNY. IN FACT, YOU ARE MAKING ME SAD. STOPPIT. STOPPIT NOW.

Happy Birthday KA!

** I once had to excuse myself from a dinner out with C because I had tipped an entire pint sized glass full of Coke into my lap. I had to go to the loo, hide in the big stall, remove my pants and try to dry them out. The best part of that Zoom display of clumsy was that I was laughing at myself so hard that I didn't hear when another lady came into the bathroom. All she could see/hear was a crazy lady laughing in the big stall with her pants off, waving them in the air. (the door to the stall was closed, but there was enough racket and the pants were flying high enough, she could tell something wasn't right.)

4 comments:

Derek said...

I too agree I hate annoying sales people. I really hate the overly excited hostess at like applebee's where they will do a kartwheel just to make you happy. They remind me of the waiter in office space........sounds like someone has a case of the mondays those people deserve to be shot

ZooooM said...

Thanks for the warning, I'll avoid Applebees like I avoid peas! And why do restaurants have to do the overly loud birthday song and dance? and the clapping. Seriously.

Rev. Brandy said...

(laughing)

I can't stop laughing at your **story about the pint-sized glass of Coke and subsequent visit to the oversized stall to remedy the mess. I feel your pain, sister . . . as only one clumsy, self-depricating, able-to-laugh-my-head-off-at-my-antics chick to another could. And the pain is really the stitch in my side from laughing, more than anything else.

ZooooM said...

Thanks for the comment, and be sure to duck when you see the flying pants! C and I refer to those very pants as my "cola pants". I hope someday he writes about his very own food juggling talents. We are so easily amused, I'm telling you.