Our office offers life insurance. We need that now so we signed up.
It turns out that the life insurance company wanted a little somethin somethin from us in exchange for the insurance. They asked us to pee in cups for them.
Which we did.
The lady came to our house with her cups and viles. We signed papers and each took a bathroom. We were both nervous because we forgot the test was today. We had both already made with the "pre-ride home pee" at the office. We kept giving her the "I'm not sure how much is going to come out" speech.
Let's just say C got an A on this test. I got more of a C..C-
C would better describe the mad scientist vibe the Pee Proctor was giving off. I hope he writes about it.
She was making with all kinds of small talk, which we all know I adore. There was a moment after all collections had been made, when I was sure we were going to have to pointedly ask her to leave - "That's a sporinoza pleebme jammieshoe tree, I just bought one of those myself! It's not that big though."
YOU HAVE MY SPECIMIN, IN A CUP, ON MY KITCHEN TABLE. PLEASE STOP TALKING AND LEAVE SO I CAN BOIL THE HOUSE!
I said all of that with my eyes.