Tuesday, May 16, 2006

You Mean He's Not Trying To Hide?

One of my newer co-workers is a college student. She is one of my favorite people in the world, because she has a sense of humor I can very much relate to. Let's call her Ms. Sparkle.

While she wants to be an engineer, she has developed quite an interest in law firm "stuff". Whenever she has a question, she asks someone to explain how/why/what to her.

One day my attorneys were handling a deposition here in our office, which was being videotaped. Ms. Sparkle came to me with a confused look. She wanted to know:

"There's that screen in the window of the conference room so you can't see the person they are interviewing. But how in the world do they expect him to remain anonymous if he just keeps walking around the office talking on his cell phone during breaks? He just walks around, in and out of the room without covering up his identity!!"

Oh, how it killed me to explain to her that it was not nearly THAT exciting. That screen in the window is just so that the video guys can get a well lit session, and so that the video doesn't pick up office activity in the background.

I further explained that some people think it's fun to walk past the deposition room and try and make the person from our office stuck in there laugh with a strategic stroll past the window and a wave/face/sign that only THEY can see. For example, at a previous job, plaintiff's counsel showed up in a light mint blue colored suit 3 days in a row. Someone nick named him blueberry sherbert. Some people made a little sign that said "going for sherbert?" and walked past the conference room with it during the deposition.

Not that I'd EVER participate in such activities.

Her question reminded me about the first time I saw a group of business men eating lunch. They all had their ties thrown over their shoulders. I had never seen that before, and I immediately thought to myself:

"It's not even windy out here. When and how did some gust of wind come out and blow all of their ties over their shoulders? And why don't they fix them?"

It wasn't until I actually saw some guy intentionally flip his tie that I realized what I'd seen that day.

Or the time I first saw laser printers. I had been accustomed to using an ink jet or *gasp* a daisy wheel printer for so long. And here's the key, there was only ONE in the whole office/school lab.

One day I came in and every two or three desks, there was this thing in between - shooting out paper - which caused me to ask OUT LOUD "What are all of these miniature copy machines doing in here?"

BIRD BOMBING UPDATE! - I was hit AGAIN by a bird today. This time a car full of women saw it happen. This time the bird landed on the ground behind me after the assault. I spun around and glared at the bird (ok, I lost it a little bit and actually growled at it). Then I saw the car full of women who witnessed it - and they looked terrified. As I told Mr. Zoom, it was as if they were watching either The Birds or they thought I was some evil being that caused wild animals to fling themselves at me - ala some horror movie de jour.

Mr. Zoom suggests a hat with a fake owl or hawk - as a deterrent to such attacks. (Where's the Shmoo when you need him?) And I'm close to going to Ace Hardware and seeing what I can find to make such a thing. Except I'll have to run the gauntlet o' bird bombings to get inside the Ace. Maybe a fake snake on my head? Too many jokes there. Too many.


Rev. Brandy said...

Do bird bombings only happen outside the coffee shop? My God, woman, that's so disturbing. I agree, though --- you might need a special Coffee Cap just to ensure safe passage in and out of the coffee shop and protect your head from future avian attacks.

ZooooM said...

Rev, the entire shopping center is "infested" with birds. The coffee shop sits in the sweet spot, the center, and nearest all the trees. They actually have a sign up that says "Caution, birds are nesting and may swoop down towards you while protecting their chicks." So I know (THANK GOODNESS) it's not just me who makes them do this.

It's like the running of the bulls. Only with much much less glamour. If there is any in outrunning a bunch of angry, pointy horned cows.

Rev. Brandy said...

I found something for you! Okay, granted, it's from Australia, but that's what I got when I Googled "avoiding bird attacks."

AndyT13 said...

Having run with the bulls (yes I really did) I can say it's nothing at all like being dive bombed by birds. For some strange reason I'm utterly unfazed by this behavior, but Brenda is horrified HORRIFIED.
She curses their little birdy beaks. Me, I loves me some birds so I just chuckle and go "awww how cute" until they poop on me.

ZooooM said...

Rev, I'm not kidding you - I'm totally using that. THANK YOU.

Andy, I haven't ever been fond of birds. I like owls, but regular crows and such - not really. Especially when they attack.

But part of me says "so that's what it's like to be a wild native animal and have something attack you for no reason?!"

Let's just say it's not a great way to start one's day.

I have learned that if I approach the coffee shop from the opposite side from where the super bird lives, I seem to escape un bombed. But I'm still using the eye thing that Brandy suggested.

Barry said...

I have had birds land on me more than poop on me - what does that mean?

Al said...

Jeez zoomer - it's like Pamplonia - only your in California, it's birds not bulls and the bulls don't poop on you in Spain...so it's not really like Pamplonia at all..it's more like a Hitchcock movie, but with only one bird and your not running into a phone booth.

BostonPobble said...

Snorted my coffee. Well done.

theresa said...

I INSIST you get a hat with an owl on it, and take a picture of yourself in it, and send the picture to me, with a box of chocolate chip cookies. If you don't, I'll send an even larger army of attacking birds.

Yours Truely, Theresa
(aka, the Evil Bird Queen)