Tuesday, August 09, 2005

I am Magical

I performed magic today. Just about two hours ago. It was honest to goodness magic.

I just wish I could control it. Or make money off of it.

I made 25 copies of a form I need when closing files. This antiquated form isn't on our computer system, but I've made a mental note to somehow make it so. As you will see, this computer version is more important now than ever.

I took my 25 copies from the copier, and the master form. In the 20 steps from the copier to my desk, I made the copies .completely. disappear. But not the master form.

No one has seen them since. I spent about 20 minutes looking at my desk, retracing my steps, and wondering exactly how I managed that. I tore apart everything around me, even looked in all of the trash cans. If those forms ever show up again, I plan on asking them exactly how my magic works.

And when I had to recreate the 25 copies....I paid careful attention to where the replacement copies were at ALL TIMES. As I type this, I still know where those are. They are not susceptible to my magical powers, apparently.

I don't want to face the fact that I can lose something that is as large as a stack of 25 of something in a matter of seconds. And not just misplace it and find it again. We are talking GONE. No dramatic wave of the hands and pulling it out of someone's desk drawer three cubicles away from me. GONE, like my dignity when I trip on invisible stuff and land on the ground. That kind of gone. My dignity only half leaves when I stumble and then regain my balance.

It has to be magic. Has. to. be.

My grandfather was a dowsing expert in Pennsylvania. A water witcher. He'd run around in fields with the stick and whatnot, claiming the stick would tell him where the water was. He was hired by his co-farmers to locate wells for them, and sometimes people in the nearby town would seek him out for it.

This is a teeny family fact I never really thought I'd have a use for, until today.

Leave it to me to take a perfectly good, and admittedly weird, family trait and implement it as unintended and unproductively as possible. I am the worst dowser of things EVER.


Kathy said...

"C" *HAS* to be to blame here! Right?

Anonymous said...

Drudge focuses on Vacaville mom
Conservative online commentator Matt Drudge, the man behind the popular Drudge Report, on Monday accused Cindy Sheehan of Vacaville, the mother of a fallen U.S. soldier, of changing her tune to serve political ...
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Kathy said...

*snicker* Shouldn't that last comment have ended with a "This is a paid for announcement by the ______ campaign"?

ZooooM said...

I wish C was to blame! But sadly, no.

Look. Even my spam is ass backwards. Everyone else gets porn offers, I get Vacaville.


Rev. Brandy said...

I think you're not the *WORST* dowser ever . . . you're just a dowser backwards. You're a reverse dowser. Like a poofer or something --- someone who makes things go * POOF *!

Kathy said...

By George, I think I've got it!

You can use this talent for making money! You can use your reverse dowsing technique to help me lose WEIGHT! hehe...You'll be rich!

ZooooM said...

Oh man, if only I could. I'd stop going to the gym and dowse about 10 extra lbs off of myself too. I don't need to be rich, just don't much like going to the gym.