Thursday, August 04, 2005

A Sampling of 4...

...of the incredibly bad decisions I've made in the last few weeks:

1. Tan in a Can. Seriously. I have no idea what I thought I could accomplish with the supposedly bozo proof spray on tan. I thought to myself..."Gee, my legs are so scary white...I bet a little color would help me look like a regular, active human being."

Instead, I accomplished the One Leg Darker - oh so much darker - Than The Other Leg Look. And I of course, had the requisite too much product around the knees and ankles thing they specifically warn you about on the can. It hurts to be me sometimes.

And nothing lasts longer than temporary tattoos and spray on bozo tans from a can. Trust me on this.

2. Tap That Ass. Yeah. AGAIN, I forgot that C and I work in the same office and happen to be dating, but not everyone working with us:
a. Cares
b. Wants visual proof, and
c. Is even aware that we are dating.

We have had a few new employees join the firm. The orientation doesn't cover who is currently sleeping with who. Whom or who....*Meh*

So the other day I walk by C who is working on a project with a new employee. I mindlessly reach over and smack C on the butt with my documents.

I find out later that the new guy working with C said to him "Dude, I think she wants you." Because he hadn't learned about "us" yet. So C played with him "You really think so?" and finally "She better, I bought her a house!"

All of this sent new guy back to his department with a "Thanks guys for making me look like a jackass by not telling me about them" chip on his shoulder. Which isn't what he looked like at all, but I suppose he felt like he looked like one.

Learning at least one lesson from past experiences, I resisted the urge to go over there and try and explain and apologize. This usually leads to more crying (me) and more anger (them) due to my inability to say what I mean competently (communication zoom).

3. White Sands Liquid Texture - Curly Look - experiment before work. I was recently introduced to this wonderful product for people with baby fine, thin hair. The White Sands line is amazing when I use it on my hair in a straightened style.

This morning I read the label and it said "use with straight or curly styles". My hair is naturally curly, so I thought I'd give it a try with the diffuser. I believe in myself far too much sometimes. Especially when a label gives me permission.

My hair emerged from the diffuser with crispy crunchy ringlets. Ringlets that I could have used as weapons of pointy pokeage. To my own as well as other people's eyes. And skin. And whatever else had the misfortune of coming anywhere near my hair. Not only that, but it was "the wet look."

That's attractive.

And there was no combing, brushing or picking through this hair mess. All of it just ended up in a clip on the back of my head, where the ends are sticking out, looking like one of those cobb web brooms. I really hope nothing scary flies past my head at lunch.

4. 2 Cadillac Margaritas with Dinner on a Wednesday Night. Yes, this was last night.
Due to my alcohol use before bed last night, I gave myself the night willies.

Apparently I had raced to bed before C could get there an proceeded to stake my claim of THE WHOLE BED. C went to sleep in the guest room.

I woke up at 4:30 in the morning convinced that I had stolen a pillow from C (he has two pillows that he has had for years, and sometimes I'll accidentally grab one from his side of the bed), and that there was a clicking noise in the room that couldn't be located. And not that I knew what significance any of this had on anything, but apparently I knew it wasn't good. Note that I didn't actually get up, go to where C was sleeping and offer to "give him his pillow back."

In the morning I looked and saw that I had my own pillow and had, in fact, had it all night. C was just fine and comfy with his pillows in the guest room. Also, there was no noise. It was probably just the gears in my head. Laughing at me.


Rev. Brandy said...

Z., you never fail to make me laugh.

'bout the "tan in a can" --- my sister used to go to a tanning salon, and I gave her enough shit about it that she's since switched to self-tanning which is a lot harder because of the pitfalls you describe. On a nearly regular basis, she points out some icky, mottled, weird pattern on her skin and says, "it's a self-tanning disaster," with a knowing expression. I have to say that I almost NEVER notice these little disasters unless they are specifically brought to my attention.

Then again, I often think I would benefit from Ritalin, so what does that say about my attention span/concentration/overall awareness? She could be walking around looking like a leopard, and I wouldn't even notice.

ZooooM said...

I have to make you laugh, mom gave you all the real writing skills. =)

You might be right on the noticing the disasters. After I posted this and C read it, he said "you had a hair fight this morning?"

And he's uber notice things guy.

But you and I are definitely related, because I rarely notice anything on other people or in general unless someone says "HEY LOOK!"

"looking like a leopard" - that's good stuff. Made me laugh.