Thursday, August 25, 2005

Stop It With the Banana Already!

Or, when the office kitchen koo koo visits you at your desk ...

One of my co-workers, just came to me and said "Would you like a banana?" and there he is, standing there with a Chiquita Banana in his hand. I said "...Um, no thank you."

And then he said "It has no artificial colors or preservatives." And he's dead serious about these facts, and I can tell that he expects this to be the thing that makes me go "OH, well in that case, give 'er here!"

I said "NO, really. Thank you though."

Just this morning I started my day with a 20 oz bottle of diet coke, which is STILL on my desk. Do I look like I avoid artificial anything?

And I know what everyone is thinking. "Sure, I'll bet he offers bananas to all the girls he meets." And yes, yes he does - but he's not exactly swift enough to offer a banana as a euphemism. You'd have to meet him in person to know this is true - so all I can say is just ask C. He says that banana guy actually sucks the life force out of the room when he speaks. And we aren't talking about developmentally slow. We are just talking S.L.O.W. as in walks slow, speaks slow, just slow all over. I think the idea of actual sex is far too much work for banana guy.

About 3 months ago, banana guy went around the office offering people a bag of trail mix. As each person said "no thank you", he followed up with the "It has no artificial colors or preservatives."

And while I'm on a banana topic, here's something I was just talking to C about at lunch time:

You know how Disneyland has frozen chocolate covered bananas? My pal Skillit says to me a while ago: "I always feel like I should hide from the view of children when I eat those, they make me feel dirty."


theresa said...

Every workplace seems to have some variation of the Banana Guy. Coincidentally, I have a Banana Bread Guy. Ever since I brought Banana Bread for a Bake Sale fund raiser, he's been telling me about EVERYTHING he cooks or bakes at home ... in excruciating detail. It doesn't matter if I'm already engaged in a conversation with someone else. He'll stand there and wait ... and stare ... and wait & stare ... until I'm free to hear of his culinary adventures.

It's a big company. There are several Banana Guys. I am a magnet. It's my curse.

Al said...

Banana Man....
wasn't that Billy Joel's first version of his biggest hit..

I also work with a person who is a black hole for anything living. I'm pretty sure he collects Franklin Mint Star Trek plates and dresses up his cats.

ZooooM said...

You two kill me. Serioulsy.

Rev. Brandy said...

OK, the last comment made me laugh so hard, I thought I might choke.


Anonymous said...

i like corn

butane said...

i like corn too