Monday, September 26, 2005

The Door Handle is the Least of Your Worries

It is fairly disturbing that much of my inspiration for writing comes from visiting the loo, either at home or away. Oh well.

Our office loo is double doored. This is a term I just made up, of course. It means that you go through the first door, and then into a second door to get to the actual place of looness.

So when entering or exiting the double doors, you will notice that there is a square of carpet between the two doors.

Apparently, this square of carpet came from an old, Indian paper towel cemetery. The reason I say this is that every day, the spirits of dead paper towels materialize there in groups of 3 or more. These are some damn angry spirit towels, I'm telling you. Why else would they continue to show up on the 14th floor of some office building? They are, in fact, more regular in attendance than some of my co-workers. Angry indeed.

What is wrong with people? Even if there was any reason to use a paper towel hand condom on the door handles, WHY do they have to be discarded on the floor? Is it too much to ask that you take it to a trash can? It's as if they expect people to believe that "ooops!! I accidentally dropped it on my way out and shoot I just didn't realize it!"

And you can't tell me that touching the copier, office refrigerator, elevator buttons, computer keyboards or telephone receivers in this place is any less germy than the bathroom door handles. Because I've seen what happens to people who use certain phones around here.

I'm not saying it's bad to take a precaution or two, but don't leave your used precaution in the space I'm forced to share with you. Let's face it. I can avoid a disgusting kitchen, but I can't easily avoid the place my morning coffee wants to go about 10:00 a.m. every day. Not without causing a few more serious germs to be spread, anyway.

Either take your paper towel to the nearest trash can, like the civilized person you want us to believe you are, or stay home and walk through your own used paper products. Get yourself a bubble. I hope it comes with a wheel and slot for your food pellets.

9 comments:

Rev. Brandy said...

"Get yourself a bubble. I hope it comes with a wheel and slot for your food pellets."

I am cracking up. CRACKING UP. You are the funniest person I know, in general, and definitely today.

theresa said...

Wahaha! I Love the bubble-food pellets line too.

Where I work, they have those disposable paper toilet seat covers. I hae it when the person before you doesn't bother to make sure her's got flushed. WTF, you don't have to touch the thing, just flick it in with the heel of your $12.99 navy blue Payless pump.

So what's up with Rev. Brandy? New haircut or something?

Al said...

Zooma Zoom, your killing me -
wow your bathroom has a vestabule. Most of ours have just a half wall to stop the lookie loo's. Anyone that wants to peek into the guys room is just plain wierd.
First rule of communial potty's - hand sanitzer at your desk

Rev. Brandy said...

Hey, T., just thought I'd switch it up a bit. You know, start creating better habits.

Oh, that was so bad.

ZooooM said...

Rev, you have to say that. We are sisters, whether mom wants to admit it or not.

And funny joke, Rev.

Super T, YES! Isn't that what Payless was created for?

AL! Vestabule! That's the word I should have used! And maybe I'll secrety put little miniature hand sanitizers at everyone's desk, I'll be secret sanitizer santa? Maybe that will stop the madness?

The Management said...

Hand sanatizers... Just don't pee on yourself!

What we need is not LESS germs, its MORE germs... and we gotta give em to the right people...

By keeping things (kids, plates, door knows and you) germ free we can't develope the immunites we need fight off the bugs... and they wanna win, believe you me! Hell look at cooking. Our ancesters ate rotten undercooked meat all the time... loved the stuff... Now if I don't scrub down my kitchen with radioactive super bleach after even looking at uncooked chicken 200 people get salmonella. WEAK...

Ohh yeah, then theres those people I wanna slap silly every time I see 'em using anti-bacterial hand wash every five minutes...

"Kills 99.9% of Germs!" Yeah! now that .1% is going to come back and kick our ass. Thanks for nothing silly pants.

TOUCH THE DOOR KNOB!!! The life you're saving might just be your own!

THis is why I am anti-anti-biotic. THe super flu is on it's way and we are giving it a nice wide perfectly vacumed red carptet lined with gold colored velvet ropes with us at the end yelling "Come to PAPA!"

I DON"T WANNNA DIE!

ohh yeah... litters.. you suck too.

Otter

Rev. Brandy said...

Otter, I hate to say it, but you have a point. I put a hand sanititzer on my desk and I think it's killing my immune system. Time to regift to the stinky guy on my team.

ZooooM said...

Aww Otter. I don't want you to die either! But I'm with you on the uber germ killing. I don't get flu shots, well, because I'll faint and knock myself cold. But even if I could handle needles, I don't think I'd get one.

As it works out, I generally catch the "flu" about once every 7 or so years. Other than that, it's just your average cold once in a while. This year was my flu year, and boy did it suck. But I'm still going to avoid flu shots.

I also believe that doctors throwing an antibiotic at everything makes it difficult to keep ahead of the ick. It's a catch 22 type thing. After all, we only have a number of sick days to use - so I think most of us would rather eat the magic pill and get back to work (so we can use time off for fun stuff), than consider what the ramifications are.

My managing otter friend. Don't die. Cuz you really make me laugh.

Al said...

Otter -
Now you've got me paranoid about that one damn rogue germ, prowling around like Jaws off the shore of Amity Island. All I can think about is that bad bitch getting me like I was little Alex Kintner.