Sunday, September 11, 2005
Palm Trees Are
...the undisputed "poodles" of the tree world. Actually, I believe they are worse than that.
Poodles are unfortunate dogs that have been made to look like they are the source of clown outfits. Waiting to be harvested and dyed wacky colors, and then sold to drunk department store santas who need work in the off season as kid party clowns. Or Halloween costumes.
Palm trees, on the other hand, grow that way. Long skinny trunks with a pouf on the top that does absolutely nothing in the way of providing shade. And all the new development here appears to have nothing but palm trees for landscaping.
I know other trees do quite well in this area. There are tons of them all over the place. Very shady places, I might add. So why do developers continue to utilize the ugly, non-shade providing poodles? Why?
And don't give me that "oh, because they are the native vegitation of the land" crap. Nothing about the land around me is native anymore, save a national park or two - maybe.
And even if you could give me a great reason to use them in landscapes, I'd still hate them. Just because I really hate direct sunlight and being hot, and I look like an idiot in a hat. I've got a child sized head on an adult sized body.
But maybe my dislike of palm trees goes further back - to when I was a kid.
I spent some time growing up on the Marine Base in 29 Palms with my two older brothers. I also spent the first 2 months after we were stationed in 29 Palms wondering why there were more than 29 palm trees - what was wrong with the people counting in this town? This did not help my already deeply rooted confusion of all things mathematic.
My brothers and I used to play in the desert on the base and often came accross live blanks and sometimes live ammunition. They discovered that if they took a fallen palm frond and connected the bullet to the frond with a bb between the bullet and the frond, they could throw the entire thing in the air and cause the ammunition to go off when it hit the ground. They totally MacGyvered a palm frond gun. This scared the hand me down tough skins right off of me, but I was sworn to secrecy. I don't know what scared me more - the bullets flying in random directions or the threats of "If you tell, we will get you." After all, they had just built a gun! I belived them.
People today worry about violence in video games. HAH! Apparently sending your kids outside to play with the plants is far more dangerous.