Saturday, July 09, 2005

I Broke the Seal of the Cake, and Behold, No Raisins!

Every other Saturday morning I get up at 8 or so and drag myself to the Salon for princess treatments. I am one of those girls with acrylic fingernails. And I might also mention that I've fallen into that pedicure trap. So I get one of those once a month.

I look at it like other people might look at hiring a housekeeper or gardener. It's just one of those things I can't sit still long enough to do myself, nor do I have the skill for it.

On those occasions I DO paint my own toes, I use the "paint it all up to the first bend in the toe, skin included " method. This requires pre-planning, in that Zoomicures take literally two shower cycles to remove the excess polish and look presentable.

Who has time for that?

But as usual, that's not what this post is about.

It is about the most evil cake I've ever eaten. Evil has been hiding on this Earth as Trader Joe's Carrot Cake. The only reason this cake isn't currently riding around on one of the four horsemen is that the frosting on top was made by angels.

If my wedding dress doesn't fit in November, Trader Joe's is responsible for obtaining a new one for me. I will have probably consumed no less than 350 of their frozen carrot cakes by August, so I can only imagine what kind of mu mu I'm going to need by November.

Why is this cake so evil? It doesn't have raisins in it. THERE ARE NO RAISINS.

I hate raisins in my food, especially cooked food. There is everything wrong with the textrue they have after being cooked. I hate them almost as much as I hate peas. The difference is that I can eat raw raisins out of a box just fine. I simply don't want them mixed in with any other food I might eat. Peas are just impossible for me to eat nekkid, raw or cooked, or with food costumes.

I realized this morning I have a serious carrot cake habit, and this is how I know: As I left the house this morning for my appointments, I had the tin containing what was left of the last carrot cake in one hand, a plastic fork in the front pocket of my overalls, and my car keys in the other hand. !?

Don't worry, I didn't drive and eat it at the same time. Noooooo. I went ahead and had my breakfast in the parking lot of the salon after parking the car. !?

Because that's classy.

I see an all pea diet in my future.

3 comments:

Rev. Brandy said...

"It is about the most evil cake I've ever eaten. Evil has been hiding on this Earth as Trader Joe's Carrot Cake. The only reason this cake isn't currently riding around on one of the four horsemen is that the frosting on top was made by angels."

Oh, my God, I laughed out loud!

Acrylic nails aside, I am your princess sistah, sister . . . but my nail girl comes to my apartment (yes, indeedy!). I run around on her, though, and see some anonymous girl for a pedicure because I can't get enough of those pedicure/massage chairs. I am thinking that if I ever buy a house/condo/etc., I will invest in having one of those bitches installed in my basement. Some people need a pool table . . . a plasma TV . . . a hot tub. Girls like me need their very own pedicure pedestal.

Rock on with your raisin-free carrot cake. Methinks I need to stop by TJ's and check it out.

Kathy said...

Ok...the Rev can be you finger and toe sistah...but I'm with you on the no raisins in my food. BLECH.

Who is this Trader Joe dude? Is he married? He sounds just like my kinda man.

ZooooM said...

Rev - the funny thing about me and a pedicure is that while she's doing the work I'm constantly wiggling around. IT TICKLES!! I'm looking like I'm in pain, and all the other people in the salon are like "why do you do that to yourself?"

he he. You run around on her. That's so cute!

Kathy - Trader Joe's is a sorta grocery store that specializes in what I guess we could call healthier alternatives?? They are very organic oriented. And I don't normally go there, because I'm a bitch to my body. I just am. But once in a while we go there to get something only they have and *BAM*, I've gained 10 lbs on healthy food.

It really is a great store. They don't put preservatives in their foods, so if you buy a lot of it, it goes bad fairly quickly.

If you have one around you, I'd say check em out!