Friday, June 17, 2005

The Copy and Paste Entry

I've been running through some e-mails between me and my favorite friend S. Before I found this bloggerific place to dump my thoughts, I would write to her about anything and everything. I still do.

I found a few mails that chronicle some of the events in my life that - had I been doing this at the time, would have ended up here as well.

So, in honor of Friday and losing the battle with C to stay in bed and call into work claiming "we can't come in, we lost a sock in the dryer"... I give you: Contents of Past E-Mails

January 4, 2005:

I had my first official wedding freak out last night. I'm ready to go to Vegas, get Elvis and call it a day. I want more than anything to be married to C, but the pressure and the fluff and the location/hair/dress/cake/favors/food/booze/HIGHPRICES/scary vendors/craziness is officially making me frightened:

Last night I went into the computer room while C was watching soccer highlights. That was at 8:00 p.m.

At 10:45pm, C enters the computer room to find:

Me, deer in the headlights look, multiple VEGAS WEDDING google search results, mumbling "Vegas, let's start scouting packages in Vegas...I can't do this's too much pressure...I just want to get in the dress, do the thing, go to a bar and drink myself into a coma ...I ... kittens and cake...."

He's like "ahh sweetie...I love you too!"

...and on the floor were three empty wrappers that previously contained those little frozen cheesecake things covered in chocolate...and an empty Amstel Light bottle.

January 12, 2005

C is Such a Lucky, Lucky Boy:

Me on the drive into work today: "Do you suppose we could ask for sterilization surgery for you as a wedding gift? Or do you suppose that when you go in for surgery on your knee next Friday, they could do it then since you are already unconscious?"

Him, with a tremendous amount of non-surprise that I'd even say this: "Sweetie, it's not a two-fer. We can't just say to the doctor, who is a sports med guy - by the way, that we want two surgeries for one."

Where is my social retardation filter? Where? And I said "sterilization"! Just like that!

I do have a plan though, in case he tries to get away from me before we get married. I'm going to claim that we already got married and he simply forgot!

This will work, no?

January 17, 2005

And why is everything cute in miniature? That is one of life's greatest mysteries. At least to me. Our copy company came in with mini boxes with candy in them and I was like "That's adorable". It's an office product that in regular size I use as a trash can. seriously.

January 25, 2005

The problem with interviewing [wedding] photo people for me is exactly what you said. I don't know a good one from a bad one (sample). Plus, some of the quotes go like this:

Me: So how much?

Them: $4,500 to start, $3.45 per pea we find in the entre`s, $2.00 per drunken guest we have to dodge, and $3,000 for my assistants to help me.

And another $4,500 when anyone flushes a toilet twice in a row during the event. That always means trouble.

Also, if the name of the venue has the word "olde" in it, we charge an additional dollar three eighty per hour.

Me: You do realize this is a wedding, right? A perfectly normal event with somewhat normal human beings. It's not a rock concert or the Queen's birthday....and any tabloid you contact will make you pay them for wasting their time. How much do you charge to photograph, say.....someone's birthday party?

Them: $34.95


Happy Friday World!!


Kathy said...

I love this! I didn't realize you were still such a newlywed.

Is this what I have to look forward to when my daughter gets married? Did you call your mom and freak out...or did you save it all for your fiance and your friend? Because if you didn't freak out to your mom...I should be ok. Otherwise...drugs...drugs...I'll need drugs...and alcohol too.

ZooooM said...

We are actually getting married in November! We've just been living in sin since December.

I saved all the freaking for my pal and C. My mom is a strong, logical woman. If I were to say "aieeee, the reception place fell through, aieeeeee!" She'd be like "um, suck it up. You will survive."

I'm not trying to give mom a bad rap here, it's just that there's not a lot of room for "un-necessary" emotion in her world. She does great for who she is and it got her through some rough times. Me as well.

Something tells me you are both a strong mom and one who the daughter can and will freak out to. That's a good thing to be, I promise.

So let's get you a prescription for Xanax and a couple of bottles of hooch as soon as she comes home with the announcement.

Kathy said...

You are too funny! Oh my gosh! And I'll keep reading you...even if you are living in sin with C. Freak out on your blog though...ok cause I want to get in some practice dealing with this stuff.

Hooch and Xanax huh? Do I have to wait for her to come home with the announcement...or can I get started on that now?

Rev. Brandy said...

As the resident minister/wedding officiant, I have to tell you: I don't envy you, ZooooM, with the wedding planning.

A few hours ago, I returned home sunburned and irritated from a wedding rehearsal. It is always such a circus, and I feel so sorry for the brides because generally, the rehearsal is when the family and best friends can, finally and legitimately, HAVE AT HER without interruption. If they are part of the ceremony, then the rehearsal is their time to demand her attention and her energy. It's so frustrating to watch them pulling at her, stepping on each other to get to her, to "helpfully" remind her of this, to instruct her to get me to do that (like I'm not standing there with them), to laugh and offer "sage" advice (hello, they got married themselves less than 90 days ago; if they were a DVD player, they'd still be warranty-able; they are certainly no expert in wedding etiquette), and to basically confuse everything.

The good news for you is that by the time the seven days preceding the blessed event finally arrives . . . your countdown to blissful obliviousness begins. I know you don't think it's possible, now, with all the details nibbling at you like piranha, but it's true: brides are, by the day before the wedding, completely maxed out on the wedding. You won't care. Nothing will matter. You will go with the flow like you'd ingested the contents of Kathy's bottle of Xanax and followed it with lots of hooch chaser. I promise!

ZooooM said...

He he Kathy! I don't know when you should start. I told my family I'd probably never get married, seeing as how it always ended up in a giant fight for a refrigerator within a couple of years. Cynical much? So when the boy asked for their permission (I didn't know about that until after), I'm pretty sure the liquor cabinet flew open for all kinds of reasons. Then again when they learned I'd said yes, I think the heavy artillery came out. I'm their kid, I don't want to know that that was. See, mom is all kinds of strong in front of me, but tells me she falls apart in private.

Brandy!! You must have some of the most frustrating, as well as heartwarming experiences in your catalogue of ministering? I think you've probably written about them, and I've been meaning to get to both of you and your archives.

And honestly, it's why I'm hesitant to go to the other writers you guys point out. I know I'll love them and I'll not have time to get to everyone!

But Brandy, thank you for the encouragement. I am definitely closer to the "over it" stage. The wedding is to be simple and as little frou frou as possible, but thinking that would be easy was a big ol mistake on my part. Trying to keep it simple in the face of so many opinions has been almost as difficult as planning a huge to-do, I think?

But C and I agree. If the cupcakes we are using for our cake explode, if I trip down the aisle, if some distant relative gets upset because we used red napkins instead of white, we are ok with that. We plan to hold on to each other and laugh. Laugh as much as possible, and cry when we have to, but laugh after that.

And I have a prescription to Xanax due to my horrible fear of flying. So there's always that as a back up. wink wink.